Yet Another Tale of Torment
by destinykeyblade
Summary: See title. This is another of my semi-famous Tormentors fics... and this time, we're attacking the Twilight Princess world! Written in cooperation with akatsukikat1, and therefore entirely pshychotic. Click. If. You. Dare. You have been warned.


Hey there, Zelda crowd. Yes, I know, I've got some explaining to do... And the word 'virus' pretty much sums everything up. But I promise, the next chapter of TTIP is in the works - and it's _looooooooooooong, _so at least it'll be worth a third of the wait, right? And now for the fic at hand. PLEASE note that this was done in collaboration with akatsukikat1. I have not edited her. AT ALL, as that would take away from the insanity. Any brain damage or twitching this thing causes is *probably* her fault; you'll know her writing from mine at a glance. ...And in case you don't, it's in bold. ...And I don't think I have anything I can say here, except that if things get too crazy/stupid for you, press the back button in self-defense. Oh, and Wolf is my name for the Link wanna-be from Twilight Princess. I don't like him; he's not worthy of the name Link. Only that awesome man from Ocarina of Time is worthy. ...Yeah, I'll shut up now. Continue if you dare. ...And that's not a joke.

* * *

Wolf sighed as he leaned back against a wall in the Arbiter's Grounds and sank to the floor.

Midna came out of his shadow and laid a hand on his shoulder. "You feeling alright?" she asked, concern evident in her voice. "I've never seen you look so tired and... defeated."

The Hero of Twilight didn't answer right away. His sandy brown hair was drenched with sweat; his breath came short and ragged. Barely noticable in the darkness of the hallway -devoid of monsters, for now- crimson seeped through the green cloth covering his shield-arm.

"...I can't do it, Midna." The hero's voice was naught but a raspy whisper. "I... I can't. I can't fight anymore. _I can't_."

Midna gave a start. "What do mean you can't?" she cried furiously. "You've got to, or both our worlds are doomed!"

Her words had little effect on Wolf, who was already in the process of taking a shuddering breath and burying his face in his hands. "I've failed, then. I've failed."

"OH NO YOU HAVEN'T!" a voice shrilled. Exhausted as he was, Wolf pushed himself to a standing position and drew his sword, though he left his shield where it was.

"Who are you?" he tried to demand, but his vocal chords failed him, and Midna shouted the question instead.

"Who am I?" the voice asked, surprised. "Why, I'm the one in charge."

The wall in front of the weary duo began to fade away, replaced by the image of a young girl with shoulder-length reddish-brown hair, one green eye and one grayish eye, and a rather demented grin on her face. She wore a pair of dark jeans that went to the floor and covered most of her feet, and a black Naruto jacket that covered most of _her_, reaching past her knees. In her hands were a Wii remote and Nunchuk, which she waved around.

"See?" she asked. The deranged grin on her face, which widened with each passing moment, belied the innocence in her voice. "I hold the controller. I'm in charge. And I say YOU HAVEN'T FAILED!" the girl roared.

Frowning and pouting at the same time, she pressed a few buttons on the Wiimote. Against his will, Wolf sheathed his sword and took a glass bottle out of one of his many pockets. A small, winged creature that glowed with a soft pink light fluttered inside - a fairy. Wolf uncorked the bottle, and the fairy flew in spirals around him. Breathing felt easier. The blood on his arm and the wound it flowed from vanished.

"There now," the girl said, smiling a normal smile, if only for a moment. "That's better, isn't it?"

Wolf smiled back at her as he put the bottle away. "Thank you," he said softly. His smile faded when she released a maniacal witch-cackle that made his hair stand on end. The demented smirk was back.

"Oh, don't thank me yet," she warned, cackling again. "You don't know what I have in store for you..."

The Hero of Twilight gulped. "What exactly-"

"HOO HAH! HOO HAH!"

The boy jumped, startled by the loud voices. A different remote was in the girl's hands, now, one that controlled her silver boombox. She began to sing along with the female voice that followed the mens'.

"Na na na na na, na na na na na na!"

Midna raised an eyebrow. "Well this was unforseeable..." she muttered to herself.

"Na na na na na, na na na na na na! Have you ever been in _**love**_?"

The red/brown-head girl laughed as she began dancing around.

"He's my best friend, best of all best friends! Do you have a best friend too? He tickles in my tummy, he's so yummy yummy, hey, you should get a best friend too!"

Wolf twitched a few times before covering his ears, but he couldn't block out the blaring music - if you wanted to call it music, that is.

"Hello baby, can I see you smile?"

Dancing like a lunatic, Wolf's unnamed tomentor didn't notice his dislike for the song. Therefore, she continued singing. Of course, no one can say that she wouldn't have turned it up louder if she had noticed his discomfort...

~A Few Hours Later~

Wolf sank down to the floor - of the forest, not the Arbiter's Grounds. Even if she had been obnoxious beyond all belief, and the music she listened to even worse, the girl had managed to get Wolf through the temple and past the boss. After doing so, she had complained about being hungry, mumbled something about pizza, and had Midna warp him back to the Faron Woods so he could be comfortable, surrounded by trees rather than burning hot sands, ghosts, and undead skeleton warriors.

Now she was gone, off to eat her pizza, and night had fallen. Wolf and Midna were free to do as they liked. They both decided that rest was the best thing for them, and, as Wolf lacked the energy to tromp through the woods to his home, found a place to camp for the night.

"You'd think she'd have at least had you take me back to Ordon," the blue-eyed beast grumbled as he curled up on the ground in his wolf form.

Midna rolled her eyes. "You'll live," she said dispassionately.

Grumbling again, Wolf tried to find a comfortable position, and to his surprise, he was able to. He had almost drifted off when he heard Midna singing quietly to herself.

"Na na na na na, na na na na na na..."

~Ordon Village~

A terrible howl rent the night, waking all the villagers from their slumber with a start.

"It's that wolf again!" Rusl growled.

His wife, Uli, scrunched her nose. "Sounds like something's killing it."

Abruptly, the howling ceased.

~Faron Woods~

Midna smiled, a wide, toothy grin. "That'll teach him to howl in my ear."

On the ground a few feet away from her was an indentation in the earth. This suggested that something had lain there a few moments before, but whatever it was was there no longer.

~The Living Room~

"MWAHAHAHAHAH!"

The russet-haired girl laughed like a maniac at the screaming boy in her clutches. She pressed a few buttons on her radio remote. A high-pitched, rather annoying female voice came from the speakers.

"I wish that you were my lollipop-"

"NUUUUUUUUU!" The Hero of Twilight cried, falling to his knees and covering his ears.

Again, the girl laughed, and - WAAH!

PUSHED THE AUTHORESS OUT OF THE CHAIR!

"Hey!" destinykeyblade said indignantly. "You can't do that!"

"Watch meh," the Naruto jacket-clad girl said with another of her trademark grins.

**Heh Heh…. "O.K., LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!"**

**Bam, Bam, Bam!**

" **Why are you doing this?" Midna cried, yet, still uncontrollably laughing as tears rolled down her cheeks, while poor wolf, was hitting his head on the same stupid gray brick wall that has been attacking his head for the last three hours now.**

"**I don't know!" he yelled for the four hundreth time putting his hands in front of him to help cushion his beating…**

"**I DO! HAHAHAHA! AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING 'BOUT IT! YOU WANNA KNOW WHY? HAHAHAHAHA! 'CUZ I GOT THE CONTROLLER!"**

"Get out of my chair!" destinykeyblade whined, pushing on the maniac. A smack in the head was all the reply she got. "Ow..."

"**MEHEHEH IT'S STILL MAH TURN!"**

"**wha…. Huh, ohmehgosh! It stopped! It stopped hitting my head it feels sooo good not to have giagantic lumps beating my brains outa my ears!" wolf cried in relief, midna on the other hand, was just dissapointed that the tourturing stopped….**

"**HEY! I GOT THE REMOTE! YOU MUST OBEY ME NOW!" Dance slave dance!" a small bright red-haired midget stepped into view and a high- pitched song began to sound **

_**We are what we're supposed to be, illusions of your fantasy, all down the lines you speak and say, what we do is what you wish to do, we are the color symphony, we do the things you want to see, frame by frame we do the extreme, our friends are so unreasonable, they do they unpredictable, all down the lines you speak and say is what we do is what you wish to do, there's an orchestra of strings, doing unbeliveable things, frame by frame doing the extreme one by one we're making it fun, we are the cartoon heroes ohwhoa, we are the ones who're gonna last forever, we came out OF a crazy mind~ "more like she did," wolf**__**muttred to midna who in return gave a big smack in the face and a SHH!… ahem, back to the song… ~the world could never be so fine, by the starlight, arachniphobia, welcome to the Toon Town party, super super man from never never land, welcome to the Toon Town party, careful what you learn, never run with me **__*__**hahah scissors**__* __**welcome to the Toon (toon) Town (town) partaayyyy!~ **_

**heheh fear meh mp3… but chu ain't gettin' away!**

"**Ooh, I fear it alright, really fear it", " quick, if we hurry she might not noticed our crazy mad- hatter dash to safety!"**

"WAIT!" destinykeyblade shrieked as Wolf and Midna ran for the hills. "TAKE MEH WIT CHU!"

**Hey… where you goin'? chu not getting' away from me that easy!" as akatsukikat1 sprinted after them, little did they know she was the fastest one in her whole girls team pe class that had the most staminia… they had no chance….**

But thank the Triforce, destinykeyblade reclaimed her place at the computer while 'Tsukikat was giving chase to the video game heroes.

And so, this rather demented tale *at last* arrived at its end. …Or did it?

**Heh TACO TACO RACO SASORIIIII NO DANNNAAAAAAA TAKE WIT CHU PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ I WANA WGO TAKE MEH TSKE ME TAKE MESH TO THA ….. PLACE!**

NOOOOOOO! SHE'S BACK! ….Please insert destinykeyblade's bloody-murder scream here. Thank you, and enjoy the rest of your day.

~END~

**bleh!**

**I AM A STUPER STAR AND I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE! ( or how juu say it)!**

**(^.^)**

GET OUTTA HERE!

**No I will not for I am the real sugah baby!**

IMITATOR! GET OUTTA HERE!

**HEH THE REAL LINK IS A VAMPIRE!**

…..

**Juu dead?**

…*stares at real Link* ~_sexy vampire, I'm falling in love, so just bite me baby and drink all my-_

**IT BURNS US!(well, for link…. But…. Hohmehgosh DEIDEI-KUN! BITE ME! And only my neck….**

**Hey! Lets go drinkin'!**

We may be of Irish descent, dear cousin, but…. NUUUU~!

**AWWWWW BUT WHA-'BOUT COKECAKOLU COLKLA?/ SUMTHIN'!**

…..We don't have none of that.

**Awsh I like it thoz… it makes me hyper!lolz lesh NOT get caught…**

With that, I agree.

And so, it came to an end. For real this time. Goodbye, dear readers. ~destinykeyblade

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...Yeah. 0_o


End file.
